Lost Inside
by Spirit of the Wolf Reborn
Summary: Lupin has been finding it harder and harder to control the animal inside him. He is afraid of doing something he will learn to regret but is it really a bad thing?
1. Default Chapter

**Lost Inside**

**Marauders Era.**

**Shonen-ai pairing of Remus/Sirius.**

**I don't own any of the characters etc.**

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"Moony, come on out with us, we're not the four musketeers without you, besides, who else have we got to stop us from doing anything wholly stupid?" James persisted through the curtains of his friend's bed.

"I can't, I've got too much work to finish off for next week and two of the days I won't be able to do anything and you know why. Listen, I'll try and make it out later ok?" he resigned glancing up with a pale withdrawn face as he attempted a reassuring smile.

"Alright. We're just worried about you Remus. You haven't been out of your room for ages, it isn't good for you." James' brow creased into a frown as he spoke softly before leaving. Lupin knew he had been spending way too much time in the confines of the bedroom and library but he had no other choice. He let out a sigh and dropped back onto the bed, playing with the covers in between his delicate fingers. He hated lying to his friends but what else could he do? There seemed no other reasonable option other than to stay away from his friends as much as he could in order to keep them safe.

Feeling around for the leather bound book that lay scattered on his bed, he picked it up_. 'The Ultimate Witches encyclopaedia to the Werewolf.'_ Was displayed on the spine of the book in gilded golden letters. He opened the thick paper pages, tanned slightly from age and looked over it with glazed eyes. Pictures of transformations and habitual representations jumped off the page and into life in front of him, creating the scene. Of course, he had seen all this before though. His eyes had explored this book several times already, but he still kept re-reading it in hopes that if he did, the book would let him in on secrets it had been hiding from him. Unfortunately, the book did nothing more than it did last time but he could always hope. He closed his worn-out eyes briefly. It seemed that everything was beginning to take its toll on the werewolf. His whole body felt tired and overloaded with information and he didn't know how much longer he would be able to control the werewolf that seemed to no longer be happy only coming out two times a month.

It was getting harder to know what to do. He had searched all the books in the library and had gotten nowhere with it. It seemed like a hopeless pursuit at times like this. He was cordoning himself off from all other life and yet it seemed to not be helping him at all. The only place he hadn't searched was the forbidden part of the library where no students were allowed. Was that his last option? To do something entirely out of his character? It made him think that perhaps some of James' and Sirius' characteristics had rubbed off onto him. It certainly seemed like something they would do, though not for the same reasons he guessed.

If he hadn't have fallen for Sirius perhaps all this could have been avoided. That day when he looked at Sirius, he found a lust driving through him that he had never felt so forcefully before. If he had not have hastily made his departure, he knew without a doubt that he would have jumped that dark haired beauty. Everything he felt was more animalistic than human, as if all his emotions were heightened; they were raw feelings, no thoughts.

He groaned and threw the book across the room, hearing it make contact with a dull thud before burying his head into the covers of his bed. Even thinking about Sirius was affecting him badly. Well now he knew there was no way he was going to get to sleep any time soon.

He could hear the silent breathing of his fellow dorm mates echoing in the silent room. The occasional snore reverberating from behind curtains. Pale moonlight through the glass window was his guide as he slipped his feet out of the covers and onto the bare wooden boards on the floor. His friends had assumed he was asleep when they returned earlier on in the night. They had called whisperingly to him, and at the sound of no reply, they had left him. He had heard their quite words, their jokes and playful banter and it was painful to him. He wanted to be part of that, he wanted to join them once again but he couldn't, not knowing that at any time he could lose his sense of self to the animal inside him.

Pushing the thoughts out of his mind for the time being, he grabbed the marauders map and wand. Tapping his wand delicately against the parchment, he quietly murmured the well-known words. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." With that the parchment took to life in a haze of ink, the makers names spilling out up the top of the page. He smiled in recognition as the names; 'Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs' appeared, bringing back the memory of when they had first created such a handy device. Thankfully as he stared down at the dots on the page, most of the people were in their rooms. The caretaker was dutifully doing his rounds but luckily he was presently on the other side of Hogwarts. Taking a final look at his sleeping companions, he took a deep breath and swiftly took off down the stairs and out of the tower. His heart was beating heavily as he travelled the corridors every so often checking down at the map, it was a wonder to him how no one else could hear the drum it was that loud. He had never done anything like this without his best friends before and he missed having them at his side to reassure him that everything would be alright and joke about their current situation.

A shrill whistle that carried its way across the air broke him out of his thoughts not long after. Remus gave a small gasp as he glanced down at the map to see a dot coming his way. If that wasn't bad enough, the name next to the dot was Lucius Malfoy, a prefect from Slytherin and a thorn in the side to say the least. He was one of the people determined to bring him and his friends down and harshly so. Taking a quick look around him, he dove behind a marble statue and curled up, his brown eyes wide as he watched the tall slitherin turn the corner. He seemed to stop short as if he knew someone was there. His dull grey eyes narrowed in suspicion, causing Remus' blood to freeze and his breath to hitch in his throat. He knew this was a bad idea and now he was going to get caught by Malfoy. It seemed ages until Lucius was satisfied enough to carry on his patrolling. Remus let out a gush of air he had not realized he had been holding. Taking a moment to collect himself, he double-checked that no one was coming his way before hurrying along to the library.

"Lumos." His pale face shone in the light of his wand wearily as he shuffled forward, holding out the wand in front of the shelves, skimming over the names. His finger stopped on another book, _'Control the wolf in you.'_

"Hmm, that seems more like what I'm looking for" he said, pulling it out and setting it down on the vast mahogany table and opening it up. His eyes widened immeasurably as he stared at the book, his cheeks tinting a rosy colour as he realised what the book was actually about.

"I never thought of you as someone who liked those kind of books Moony. I'm seeing a whole different side to you."

Lupin jumped with a yelp of surprise that was suddenly cut off short by a callous hand wrapping firmly over his mouth.

"Shh, It's only me. We don't want the whole school alerting to your little escapade do we?" Remus didn't need to turn around to see the smirk on Sirius' face; he could hear it in his voice well enough.

Yanking himself away from his friend he turned around. "Does James know you have taken his invisibility cloak?" Remus rebuked, folding his arms lightly across his chest in an irritated manner as he watched Sirius suddenly appear out of thin air and flash a mischievous grin.

"No, it's not like he needs to know is it moony?" In a sickly sweet voice.

Remus just rolled his eyes. Sirius knew already that he wouldn't tell. He always got his way with the brown haired wolf. Turning his back to his friend he began placing some of the books back on the shelf. Only for Sirius to pull them back off again.

" 'Werewolves of the ages', 'Werewolf mysteries revealed', 'Were Help?' Remus what is going on here?" Sirius seemed more baffled with each book and Remus just tried to ignore his questions, engrossing himself in other things. Sirius was having none of it though as he closed in on his friend, grabbing his shoulder to twist him around. "Answer me. What are you not telling us Moony?" he ordered.

Remus just stood immobile, his mouth moving but no words coming out. What was he supposed to tell his friend?

"You haven't been yourself for ages, we have noticed you know. We're your friends, let us help."

Coming from Sirius it sounded so much like a plea. Something that was unusual for the joker. Remus shifted his head, brown eyes soft as he looked up at Sirius' serious face, knowing that the other would not let it go until he had gotten what he wanted from the young werewolf. He soon found himself divulging the details of his recent behaviour and how he felt like his animal side was taking over and he was losing control. Of course, he conveniently forgot to mention the part about what he wanted to do with padfoot at the moment. For despite how understanding Sirius was being now, he didn't want to think of what the other would do if he found out about his true feelings towards the lithe young man.

"I'm sure when we talk to Prongs and wormtail tomorrow, we will all be able to work a way around this just like when we did for the werewolf thing in the beginning." Sirius spoke confidently.

Remus' hazel eyes widened and he grasped Sirius' upper arms. "No, you can't tell them, please I don't want them to know yet. Can't it just be our secret for now?"

Sirius seemed to consider this for a moment before nodding. "Fine but let's get back, it's too late to be searching in here now and you look tired."

It was true, Remus was completely shattered, mostly due to all the worrying he had been doing the past few days. But now he had unloaded some of his troubles, everything seemed to catch up with him and he gave a small smile to his friend. "Yes, lets get back-" he stopped mid sentence as he saw Sirius pick up the book that had earlier made him blush. "Why are you bringing that? It won't help me." He pointed out.

He grinned wickedly. "I never said it was for you…"

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I personally don't really think much of this beginning.I tend to suck at them sometimes and its somewhat stagnant. Anyway, I just hope the other chapters go better. 


	2. I Care

**I Care**

This is very different from the last chapter and that was not intentional. It started off as a story and ended up rhyming so I changed it to a poem. Anyway this is from Sirius Black's point of view on Remus Lupin.

Hope you enjoy it.

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Do you know what you do to me, standing there? Do you realise my emotions too?

Falling into the depths of vast brown eyes, I'm lost in a sea of you.

No way to escape now, no reason nor care, To drowned would be heavens sweet kiss,

There's nothing to save me, it's my choice, I concede, to be with you is my last final wish.

I know you are different; it's that which I crave, hidden in worlds of unknown.

I want to unravel the truth lain inside, and let your true beauty be shown.

Desire for you leaves me empty within, to see you, yet not to touch.

Such addiction is hidden inside me, it's a story of how to love too much.

I yearn to tell you, but what would I say? How would I even begin?

Could I tell you I'm not what you think I am, that my life has been lived in sin?

I'm a liar, deceiver, a wearer of masks, portraying a better me,

I'm a coward, a no one, nothing at all, a shadow of what I could be.

Feelings are feelings, not meant to be shared, why would you want to know?

But I'll always keep you deep in my heart, a secret for me alone.

I don't expect miracles, nor visions or dreams, It's enough just to know you are there,

As I am too, your faithful friend, though I don't always show it, I care.


	3. Bitter Sweet

**Bitter Sweet.**

3rd Chapter.

Disclaimer: Unfortunatly no. I do not own Harry Potter. Now that is cleared up, on with the show.

Thank you to those who have read my fic and reviewed it. Hands out sweets and popcorn

Any way, here is the next chapter to the piece.

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_Bodies mingled together exploring, hands touching, caressing and searching every inch of their skin in a flurry of vehemence. Breaths hitched as sensitive spots were exploited to their fullest extent eliciting moans of pleasure from his barely parted mouth. How he had longed to feel that heated skin against his, to kiss his way down that beautiful body, learning only by touch. One hand entwined in that silky mass of black hair, he gently pulled the others head up supporting his chin in the palm of his hand preciously, fingers tracing the perfectly shaped jaw line before melding their lips in a passionate kiss. Finally, this was what he wanted; finally he was going to be his…_

"Moony!"

He groaned in protest as his body was vigorously shaken as a means to wake him up.

"What do you want, can't you leave me to sleep in peace please." He slurred, still half asleep and trying to swat away the person who had rudely interrupted his dreams. He felt a dip in the bed as a weight settled down onto it. He paid no heed to this movement choosing to ignore it in favour of going back into the land of dreams where he had just had one very vivid and alluring fantasy. He was therefore caught off guard when he felt icy cold-water rain upon him and he shrieked in the unmanliest manner.

" Sirius 'Padfoot' Black, I am going to bloody kill you for that." He growled out, his hazel eyes fuming as he jumped out of bed, now fully awake and sopping wet. His golden brown hair was plastered to his forehead, and his clothes hung off on his frame, seeping water onto the floor in a pool. Sirius seemed to have found the whole thing extremely funny as he was in peals of laughter, a safe distance away from the wolf.

"I never heard such filthy language spat out in all my life, and all I was doing was fulfilling my duty Moony. James and Peter appointed me the job of waking you up which I wouldn't have had to do if you had been up before us like you normally are, so technically it is your fault."

Huffing, Remus pulled his wand from the bedside table and murmured a quick spell to dry himself off. "Yes well all you had to do was tell me, not pour a bucket of ice cold water over my head."

"I did, once, twice, three times even and you didn't respond. Well not with words anyway." He started to mimic moaning in a rather erotic way.

Remus stared avidly at the sight before him, his ears trying to block out the sound but not seeming to be able to. He couldn't help but like hearing such sounds coming from the raven-haired male. "I don't know what you're talking about." He answered indignantly when he finally got his voice back He had to at least try to keep the little dignity he had left.

"Really?" Sirius replied, cocking an eyebrow, a smirk plastered on his face. "Well, it sounded like a hell of a dream to me and defiantly not one I would forget too soon." He turned, seeming to regain at least a little of his composure. Remus was just glad the fits of laughter had subsided. "Anyway, you should join us downstairs for breakfast, we're going to go out onto the quidditch pitch afterwards for a bit of fun."

"But-"

"But nothing," Sirius cut in sharply. His face softened slightly at the troubled and worried expression on the others features. "I know you are worried about the whole werewolf thing and you don't want to turn on your friends and hurt them but it doesn't mean you should quit being friends with us and stop having fun. Listen, I'll keep a close eye on you and at the first sign of trouble you can bet I will freeze you in a whiz. That way you won't be able to do anything."

"Really?" Normally if someone would have said that to him, it wouldn't have eased his feelings at all, but this time it was good to know that someone would do something if he got out of hand.

A firm nod affirmed this and he gave a thankful smile to Sirius.

"Well what are you waiting for, hurry up and get changed so we can get going." Sirius ordered, dropping back onto his own bed as he waited.

Breakfast had gone by without a hitch, well, until Peters clumsiness, where in he knocked his glass of orange over and then whilst clearing it up, swung round clumsily managing to knock James backward off the bench and cause a nasty bruising on his cheek to form. Sirius had, as usual thought it was hilarious, that was until James had decided enough was enough and had started a food fight with Sirius. Needless to say it ended messily-Literally.

"Do you realise the riot we could have had on our hands because of you delinquents? You could have put people in danger with your little escapade-No respect for the rules- Taught a lesson-." Sirius looked as if he was in another world and didn't seem to give a fig what the head of Slytherin, Sylvia Slugrane thought even though she was known as the most harsh and most unruly teacher at Hogwarts. James seemed carefree about the whole situation but he looked as if he were listening to at least a bit. Remus also seemed calm but he was giving the teacher some respect, despite how much he thought she didn't deserve it. The odd one out of the group however was Peter. He was shaking in his boots and looked as if her was about to burst into tears at any second. His hands were firmly clasped in his lap and he was wound as tight as a coil.

"Your flagrant disregard for the rules or the other students lives in this school shall not go unpunished." Her scrappy low voice drilled out monotonously. "Griffindor shall be deducted 30 points for each of you-"

"But-"

"40."

"But we-"

"50."

Sighing angrily, Sirius gave up trying to explain and collapsed backing into the chair, much to the relief of the other three boys. They didn't want to lose any more house points or the group would never forgive them.

"Now that you have finally ceased to interrupt or answer back, Mr Black, I shall now deal out the rest of your punishment. You will be expected to turn up every night for detention for the next week where in which I will have an appropriate task for you to complete during your detention. Do not think I am going to let you all stick together, especially you and Potter." He motioned at Sirius. " I shall split you into two groups in which you shall work for the rest of the week. Now get out of my sight and don't be late tonight." She snapped sharply before they were shuffled rudely out of her room in the greatest haste.

"That bitch, she saw other people in the hall start as well and she narrowed us out."

The general tone of the four was that Ms Slugrane had done them a great injustice and the topic seemed to carry on some time until Sirius pointed out the fact that Peter had nearly wet his pants. Laughter reverberated for a few minutes in which time Peter had turned cherry red.

"Yes well if it wasn't for you continually answering back, we wouldn't have lost that many house points." Retorted Peter.

"What's this, is our Wormtail getting a backbone? Even so, I had to stand up for our rights. You agree with me don't you Moony"

"Well, I know she was wrong but we know already that arguing with her never helps."

Sirius huffed when he didn't get the response he wanted. "Thank you for sticking up for me" he finished snappily as his walking pace quickened to forge past the others.

Remus sighed. It was not like he didn't want to agree with Sirius, he really did but sometimes the raven-haired boy didn't know when it was best for him to stay quiet. Now he had gone and made him angry. A frowned formed on his lips and he hugged the books he was holding tightly to his chest.

"Don't worry Moony, it's not your fault. You know what a hot temper Sirius has, he will come round eventually" James said when he saw the forlorn look on the wolfs face. The bruise on James cheek seemed to have turned a range of colours but luckily the swelling had gone down. He wrapped a friendly arm around Remus' shoulder. Sirius could be so thoughtless sometimes.


	4. Remorse

Remorse.

Disclaimer: No I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. Well I own Slugrane but yeah...

Anyway. It has been ages since I last updated and I know this is short but hopefully sweet. (so to speak) It will get better, at least that is my intention so just keep reading please.

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He didn't know how long he had been trampling about the corridors of the vast School, many of them stranded and desolate apart from the slight chattering of solitary paintings that went on with their usual business, only pausing to briefly glance up at the passing Griffindor. He had calmed down long ago. No anger that came from Sirius could be held for long, it was deadly for moments but passed as easily as it came. 

Now that he looked back on it, he was ashamed at how he had treated moony. His anger at the head of Slytherin had blinded him momentarily and he had lashed out at the nearest and easiest thing possible, which had just so happened to be Moony. He could still see the hurt and dull pain that resided in those brown orbs that belonged to said boy. He knew he could hurt Remus, he knew in a way that the smaller boy was more fragile and he had used it against him. Something he hated about himself and felt dear remorse for.

Scuffing his shoe against the tiled floor with a small frustrated sound, he brushed a hand back through his raven locks, allowing the disappointed frown that threatened to mar his face for the rest of eternity be seen. Even though Sirius was full of pride, he knew when he was wrong and he was not afraid to admit it nor to apologise for his actions which was precisely what he intended to do.

A quick glance at his watch however told him that such things would have to wait until a later time. Had he of paid attention earlier, he would have noted that he had barely minutes to fire himself down to Ms. Slugranes room as hastily as possible or he doubted that the detention would be the least of his worries if past experiences with his arch nemesis were anything to go by. It was for exactly this reason that when he arrived at the female's classroom, he was huffing and puffing like a fish out of water with just about ten seconds to spare.

"Glad you could join us Mr Black. I rather thought I was going to have the pleasure of your company for the next century. I have an awful lot of puss roots that need peeling and that containment closet needs an good sorting out. I would sort it out myself but I believe students are covered for bites and poison by the school, after all, it is expected." A rather malicious smirk was painted on her thinned out lips before she turned on her heel, black cloak billowing out behind her. "Pity really."

It was all Sirius could do not to answer back, but he knew that the dastardly old bi…witch… was only trying to goad him into a response like so many times before. It was the sensible calming voice of Remus that invaded his thoughts, warning him not to do such a thing that made him swallow his words. Yes, he could remember so many times before how a gentle touch on his shoulder or arm, or even a few words from the brunette could calm him which was why he was most likely to think about things before he said them in Moony's presence. In James' presence it was quite the opposite though, after all the two of them thrived off making trouble together. In a way it was like he had a balance because of his two friends.

Whether it was pure luck or speak of the devil, there before him knelt down on the stone floor of the classroom was his good friend Remus, who from the look of it, didn't seem to be having that much fun. An extremely large pile of odds and cons was distributed in front of the other male, nearing the mark of about five feet upwards. What ever it was the other had picked up, the faint whiff of muskiness and puffrags filled the air, a very vile smell indeed despite how faint it was. However, Remus' heightened wolf senses seemed more sensitive to the substance and he scrunched up his nose in a disgusted way, dropping the indefinable thing to the floor, only to have it billow out pores of a visible substance that set the poor wolf into fits of sneezes.

It was a satisfied hum that broke Sirius from his staring to glance at the light brown haired witches head with scorn as she flicked her wrist to expand the size of the pile to over even his own height.

"Much better" She murmured with a light nod of her head before turning back to the boy at hand.

"I am sure you can see this pile of mess before you, can you not Mr Black? Now you see that I expect it all to be sorted and cleaned before you are allowed to go and I mean every bit. If I find one bit out of place, one corner cut, I will not hesitate to climb those slimy Griffindor steps up to your bedroom and yank you by that ugly nose right back down here, sleeping or not. But I am sure you know the drill by now as you have gotten to know this room quite well over the years." Turning, she headed towards the door before halting.

"Oh and one more thing. No magic. Accio wand." Catching the wooden object with little care, she placed it in her pocket before continuing out. "Have fun Boys." With a cackle, silence rained.

A few minutes went of this with the two of them working; Sirius with a darkened gaze and Remus with that still visible frown now that he had subdued his sneezes.

"Remus-" He began, only to hear the starting of words that the other male was about to cut him off with. No doubt whispers of an apology that was not needed on his part, but Sirius was having none of it.

"Remus, I'm sorry."


	5. Promises

**Promises**

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter etc.

This is a Remus/Sirius Pairing

Just want to thank those who have commented on my writing

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"Sorry?" He murmured through half closed lips. It was if the words were completely new to him and yet he nodded understandingly in the dark haired males direction. "There's no need to be really, I got... Well okay, so you were an idiot but I understand why. I know what she is like Sirius, really I do but arguing with her never gets you anywhere." He continued in a tone that was old and wise despite his years. Even the sigh that echoed from his pink tipped lips was like one of an old man trying to settle the troubles of the world.

He allowed his eyes to drift up to those of the taller male. He looked so sad, and over what? A small argument with him? "Please don't look like that Padfoot, I have already told you to forget about it. I forgive you. I have done much worse in the past." His head bowed once more as visions of the time he had scarred his friend slipped through his mind. His body trembled as he remembered and at the thought that it was that very same monster that was threatening to take his humanity away from him again.

A gentle hand settled on his shoulder. A warming, comforting presence that only he could provide. "That isn't you moony. It was never you. I mean, the wolf is part of you but... You have nothing to be scared of. If you were evil, do you really think you would feel as guilty as you appear right now? I know you too well and take it from me, you are not changing. You are still the same soft headed Griffindor that I met when I managed to catch your nose in that book all that time ago." A smirk lifted the others face and Remus found a small giggle rattling through his own body at the reminder of how he had first come to be one of the group.

"Ah yes, I have never gotten you back for that one either have I?" He said with a smile.

"You never could." Was the response to which Remus threw something that at least looked slightly threatening from amidst the pile of items, towards Sirius. Naturally he ducked. However, after a moment, he turned to pick it up, twisting it between his fingers contemplatively. From the distance Remus was at, he could see the deep etchings of faces carved into the wood.

"It's a totem." Remus says simply, his brown eyes tracing over the other males face, noticing the distant look that had taken his friends face.

"It's supposed to keep spirits within it you know. I think this one is a bit different though..." He continued pensively as he scooted closer to the other male so he could look over his shoulder. A small blush peppered his cheeks at the item, or perhaps it was from being so close to the other male. He wasn't sure. From this distance, he could smell the musky scent of perspiration and a light deodorant that smelled like the wild. Grass and trees. Even his hearing had perked to hear every beat of the others pulse under the light skin and the gentle touch of the others tongue over his lips as he spoke, questioning what it meant then.

"It...erm...It's about sexual attraction." He finally stuttered out.

"Really! Why Slugrane that old dog...wolf... rat... snake!" He finally settled on, none of the other animals seeming appropriate considering. Lupin nodded, his body trembling slightly at the closeness of the other male, especially more so when the other male grabbed his chin to turn it to look at the artifact again.

"Do you think this thing actually works Remus? Do you think if I carried it round with me it would make some of those hot Hufflepuff girls we saw the other day come falling at my feet? I could use some relief." At Sirius' feral grin of excitement, Remus backed off to his side of the room, picking at the pile idly to begin separating things again and suddenly feeling a little less sexually aware of things.

"I don't know Padfoot. I don't know." If the reaction he had had said anything then he would have to say that it did work but then he couldn't go and admit that to Sirius could he? And besides, he didn't know if that was just the wolf inside him becoming more... aware of the others presence. Whatever the case, he had not noticed how down he had sounded with that comment it seemed as soon, Sirius was fawning over him like a worried pet for their master causing the golden haired boy to swat him off unperturbed.

"I am fine Padfoot, really I am." He reassured the other male, a small smile slipping across his lips to try and convince the other to which he finally gave in saying, "I am a little tired thats all." Sirius seemed to understand that after the other night, but it didn't stop him from pocketing the item they had found before continuing with their work.

It took hours to get through that unsightly pile and whilst they both seemed to have been affected by certain things that unsurfaced, Remus seemed to have unfortunately caught the brunt of it and now sported various stings, nips, itches and also a nasty rash disappearing down the collar of his shirt to which Sirius was inspecting all too thoroughly.

"Ouch!" He yelped as the others finger prodded at it. What had been once itchy was now sore. They were heading down to the hospital wing. From all the scratching that Remus had been doing, Slugrane had finally got sick of seeing it and had ordered the two of them down there to get their 'sorry carcasses' seen to. Immediately Pomphry was upon the two of them, Sirius getting away with nothing more than a small plaster for a bite where as Remus got a telling off for 'irritating the rash'. He immediately glared at Sirius who was sat on the opposite bed, but all he received in return was an amused, pouting, apologetic look. It didn't last long though as Remus soon saw his friends shoulders shaking in silent laughter. It seemed his embarrassment did not end there though as soon he was told to divest of his shirt to which he stuttered about his curtains needing to be closed.

"Ah come on Moony, its not like I haven't seen it all before. I am male too remember!" He pointed out. Remus half heartedly scowled again but did as he was told as the Nurse prodded him once more. The rash seemed to have quickly covered the left side of his chest and back. Even as the Nurse sat there and rubbed the ointment onto the nasty rash, Remus' arms had folded across himself, to hide the scars that littered about his upper body nervously. His pink face portrayed shame at the scars and the others eyes tracing upon them did not help.

"I thought you said you had seen all this before." He commented in a small voice as the other male tore his gaze away. He wasn't sure which of the two hurt more; the staring or the way that now, the other couldn't bear to look at them.

"I have." He replied plainly, seeming to have no other words to add until the Nurse had finally finished fussing over him and placing plasters on all his bites. Jumping down off the bed, he got given various bottles and tubs of things to put on the bites and rash as he quickly pulled on his shirt and exited as quickly as he could with Sirius just behind.

He didn't know how long has passed before Sirius' voice piped up. "You never told us you had hurt yourself that bad." Came the simple sentence from his animagus friend.

"It wasn't important." He answered even more simply. "It was from before you guys helped. From other animals in fact most of them I think. I can't remember much of that time though, its all a blur." A blur he had tried to forget and one he hoped the other would not bring up now.

"I never noticed how much of yourself you hid from us Moony." He sounded almost sad and this rubbed off on the werewolf. He had never meant to hide anything from them at all. It was just easier to deal with this way. "It makes sense now why you get up early though now. It's not just because you are an early riser." No comment from the wolf.

The grab at his arm however, startled him into gasping a breath before turning to the other male reluctantly. "Promise you won't hide anything from me Moony. Promise. If you must hide things from your other friends then I will not say a word but don't hide it from me. You need someone to talk to at least." The troubled look on Sirius' face was so unusual, so unreal almost. It was for this reason he found himself nodding his head.

"Alright. I promise." It seemed to perk the dog up immediately and he started to bound up the stairs as if nothing had happened. "Last one to our dorm is a Stinky Slugrane Snake!" He bellowed, already getting a big head start on his friend as Remus complied to the dog in Sirius and raced the other up the stairs before Sirius ran straight into James, knocking them both on their arses.

"Owwww! Isn't one injury enough Siri." Came James' voice as Remus couldn't help but chuckle at the state of the two of them. He was stood directly behind Sirius and had seen how as he checked behind to see how far his competitor had been, he had collided straight into another person.

"It wasn't my fault! You should have seen me coming you big four eyed oaf! Moony! Moony help me!" He pleaded as James jumped at the other male wrestling around the floor for what he had been called.

"Hey Remus, come help why don't you." James commented with a wicked grin. Immediately Remus knew what he meant. He knew the large dogs weakness and dropping down to the floor where the other two were he took up tickling the others sides whilst James held Sirius down.

"AH! Please... Haha NO!... St st top!" He pleaded breathlessly as Remus' fingers ran over the others sides and stomach. The smile on Remus' face was wide and bright as he saw how the other was wriggling around defenselessly, nearly throwing James off him a couple of times with his movement. Eventually, they both gave the other mercy but it was taken back as the ruthless and stupid Black decided to add that Remus and James should "Tickle lower." if they did that again.

When it all ended, for good this time, Sirius was left like a big pile of lifeless gloop on the floor, only his chest heaving as he brought breath back into his body. His face was red and his body tired from fighting but his lips held a small smile that showed he was anything but displeased.

"Ugh! Remind me not to help you next time Moony, or to make sure that my 'help' is as useful as yours was." He mock pouted, arms folding over his chest for a moment before finally bothering to try and get up.

Remus watched him amusedly for a moment, from where he got dressed behind the curtains of his bed. "It was just payback for this morning." He pointed out, where in the other huffed.

"You deserved it." Sirius puffed, climbing into bed.

"Likewise." Remus retorted.

"Night Guys." Came James' amused Voice.

"Night!"


	6. Evil?

**Evil?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter... Its a shame but I really dont XD

* * *

Those yellowing eyes, the claws that tore into the flesh of any mans heart and made it cold stared back at me with pure malice and dripping evil. Here it is, in front of me, making my heart beat heavily in my ears and I clutch at myself, only to scream again in horror as I see the blood seeped on my hands… no my claws. Long knife like nails, each one able to chop through a person like butter. How can anything this evil possibly exist I wonder. It doesn't think, it just feels the need to destroy everything, take what it wants like it owns it all. Not caring about who it hurts in the process. I pull viciously at the tufts of fur trying in some sort of vain way to rid the world of it.

Its then I realize; this monster is me.

"I care. I CARE!"

"Remus? Moony! Wake up, wake up its ok." He soothed in a calming voice. Looking down at the other male, Sirius held the others hands down as he writhed beneath the covers. His eyes suddenly opened wide and in shock. Scared even and Sirius didn't like that at all. For a moment he stayed silent, watching the rapidly shrinking male disappear into the covers and breathing in deep gulps of air as he seemed to study his hands as if making sure that they were still there. Of course, they are.

"I.. He..It." He faltered, shaking. Looking at him, Sirius got the urge to pull him in. He wanted the young wolf to feel safe and strangely enough this was not odd at all when Remus was involved. He let his instincts take over and pulled the other up against him where he sat on the bed and for a moment, he could hear the others soft gasp of surprise and his tense body unsure of what it was supposed to do. Thankfully after a moment it settled and he leaned in against him, taking comfort in the others presence.

Sirius brushed his fingers along the others spine in a soothing way, his head leaning against the others honey brown hair as he felt the others face pressed against his chest as he seemed to calm, fingers clutching at Sirius' top. It almost seemed to him that Remus was deathly afraid to let go.

"You had a nightmare." He said softly, lifting his hand to pick up his wand and cast a silencing spell around the bed. There was no need to wake anyone else up. He knew Remus did not want them to find out either. "Tell me about it?" He asked, wanting to know what had caused the others scare. He could guess but he knew it would help to talk and Remus had always been there to help him.

For a moment the brown eyed boy just shook his head against him and Sirius stayed silent and continued to hold him. Only when a few minutes had passed did Remus pull back and only enough to look towards the other vacant beds in his room through the curtains. "You didn't wake them." Sirius spoke, his lips set in a purse.

"It… So evil…" He stammered, almost as if he was going to break down. "The wolf… I saw him, me… hurting people. All that blood. They were so scared. I can't… I don't want to be this. Get it out of me please." He begged, his brown eyes looking so petrified that it took all Sirius' will not to look away. But he knew that would only make the other feel worse. "Don't let it happen." He pleaded.

The crimson covers bunched up about the others body, his clothes rumpled and almost hanging from his body making him seem so small. In the cover of the curtains it seemed like only the both of them existed. Turning, Remus looked towards the window, glancing to the moon above. He knew it was coming, fearing the time when he would change again but now it was not only then he feared but all of it.

"I won't" He promised.

Sirius didn't know how long it took to settle his friend again, but he awoke to find himself still on the others bed. It seemed he had managed to fall asleep somewhere along the line and now Remus had disappeared. Pulling himself up, he pushed off the bed, looking around the room for where the other had gone. It was about five minutes before he found out where Remus had gone. His hair was damp and clung to his face and his eyes portrayed the lack of sleep caused by the dream. Wandering in, he seemed not to have noticed that Sirius was up yet, otherwise his top would not have been draped over his arm.

Settling on a chair in the room, he picked up the lotion that Sirius recognized from the night before. For a couple of minutes he spread it over his chest, seeming to calm slightly at its touch. Whatever it was, it appeared to be doing its job. Not a murmur came from Sirius as he watched with curiosity, almost entranced by the others slightly awkward movements. It was not the first time he had taken to simply watching the other. Most of the time he did it when the other was simply reading a book. The other male got so enraptured by the words that he never noticed.

Sirius saw how Remus bit his lip in concentration, brows furrowed as something important in the book and then that full tinkling laugh when he found something particularly funny. It had been merely days before when he had been admiring this about the other male as he pushed back stray hairs from his face. Now here he was admiring the others chest? Not quite the same thing but he couldn't help the way it stirred him.

"Do you need help with that?" He questioned after a moment, causing the other male to jump slightly and stare through the curtains."

"Help?" His cheeks blushed red and he shook his head lightly. "Ah, no thank you. I think I can manage to put this on."

"Stop being so stubborn and embarrassed. I saw you like this before remember? And unfortunately you don't have the ability to stretch your arms that far." Smiling, Sirius pulled the other back onto the bed. "Now lets see…"


	7. Friendship Knows no Boundaries

Nopes, Most unfortunately I do not own HP or any of the affiliated characters etc. etc.

I know this has been ages since I have done this story but I thought I would try to get back into it a bit so here is my attempt :)

Friendship knows no boundaries.

Help him out by doing this?

Immediately warning bells sounded in the back of his head. This wasn't a good idea on so many levels but as soon as the others hands were laid on his skin, feverish from the rash, Remus shivered to his very core.

"The cream is cold." He murmured out the pathetic excuse in the hopes that it would hide the real reason for his sudden outbreak of goose pimples. Of course, in reality even the littlest bit of contact from Padfoot was causing his body to react involuntarily these days. It took every ounce of will power he had not to allow himself get too worked up and sufficiently corrupt the one relationship that meant the world to him. Right now however, with the urge to completely ravish the raven haired boy getting more intense with each day it came closer to the full moon.

A soft mewl of enjoyment and possibly pleasure escaped the normally restrained young boy as his head lolled forward, and for a few perfect moments he allowed his eyes to rest, brown locks brushing gently against his forehead. For a second those talented hands paused and as grateful as Remus was, he was tempted to question why they had stopped moving. Thankfully though, other than a low chuckle, Padfoot didn't seem ready to stop quite yet as the hands returned to firmly stroking the cream into his skin in soothing circular motions.

"You need to make sure you take proper care of this Moony or the rash won't go away." Sirius spoke conversationally, fingers lingering on the skin longer than they possibly needed to but Remus was not pushing him away so he took the chance and stayed where he was a little longer. "Or is it your aim to keep yourself in this state so I can massage cream into your back every morning and night hm? You do seem to enjoy it from the sounds you make."

Remus' eyes bolted open at that comment and he blushed furiously, twisting his body around so that he could see the other male. Grabbing his top, Remus fidgeted with it, trying in vain to return it right side up. "I..I mean..." He stammered, not wanting to appear so flustered in front of his friend. What if the other male had worked out why he had liked the others actions so much? And why was this damn top so hard to get into? "I... I didn't mean to... I just... It felt nice..." He explained, dropping the top down in frustration and embarrassment. He couldn't lie, Remus was in fact a terrible liar, the worst liar in the world. It didn't help that Sirius seemed to be able to see right through him even when he could fool everyone else, so he had no other choice but to tell the truth. "I am not used to anyone being so... intimate." The thin fabric was finally thrown back over his shoulders and pulled back into place as he tried to ignore the fact he wanted to disappear into the ground when Sirius guffawed for a second time in however many minutes.

Rubbing his hands lightly together, Sirius regarded his friend with a warm kindness in his eyes, one hand gently placing itself on the others shoulder. "You call this intimacy Remus?" The Griffindor lad asked with genuine amusement and concern in his eyes. Really, it was hard to believe that such an action was considered something so important to the other male, but then, he had seen Remus' reaction to the scars on his torso and he could only presume the others isolation and lack of intimacy was due to self consciousness and fear.

Grabbing the bottle of cream from the others hands, Remus clasped it close to his body, casting his eyes down upon it in silence. "I know intimacy for you is a different thing completely Sirius but... for me it is something more important than that." Besides, he couldn't imagine many a person wanting to be close to him if they knew what he really was. His body was mangled thanks to his werewolf side so he wasn't even a pretty picture to look at either. In conclusion, it proved that he really wasn't worth much of anything as far as relationship prospects went and Remus had come to accept that. "I think I can apply it on my own next time Sirius. Thank you for your help." Remus finished the coversation, not wanting to really dwell on such thoughts anymore. Placing the bottle onto the side, he slipped under the covers and turned onto his side so that his back was facing the other male.

For several minutes there was no change, the bed was still dipped where Sirius sat and Remus continued to pretend like he was asleep, as if that would some how save him from the crippling awkwardness of having to discuss his inner thoughts with his companion. Still, it didn't stop those same thoughts of how he would never be good enough for anyone, never mind the infamous Hogwarts ladies man that was Sirius Black swimming through his subconscious. Remus' heart ached deeply at that and it felt as if it dropped even further, into the very pit of his stomach.

He could pretend all he wanted that it was only the wolf side of him that desired the popular Griffindor but he couldn't fool his heart into believing the same. No, ever since he had met the other male, there had been a special connection there which had grown stronger with every passing day that they spent together. All his wolf side did was make it more prominent and add the most uncomfortable need to copulate with the dog every time he set his eyes on him.

Movement dragged Remus from his despair as he felt the weight from the bed lift and relief flooded through him at the thought that he was not going to have to explain himself to the other male, but Sirius knew him too well. Much to Remus' surprise, he felt the covers lift behind him allowing cold air to waft against his back and the rustle of sheets as Sirius climbed into his bed uninvited. Swiftly Remus turned to face the other male, a look of complete and utter confusion displayed on his otherwise sweet face. "Wha-" The brunette began, questioning the others actions but he was met by a long, warm finger pressed delicately to his lips.

Understanding eyes smiled down at him and Sirius shook his head gently. "You are tired Moony. You haven't slept well in I don't know how many nights and your big, cute, hazel eyes are beginning to dull and become sunken." He explained tenderly, lifting the fingers that had been hushing the others lips to draw through his hair instead and Remus felt like he was in heaven from the very first touch. "I want to be close if you get another nightmare okay? So I can help you back to sleep straight away. I want our old Moony back, not the one who jumps every time anyone makes a noise and the one who barely laughs lately. I miss your laugh, the one that occasionally turns into a snort when you get too giggly." He smiled to himself at that. "So take the help offered to you for once and just sleep, and the if you need me, I am right here with you."

The poor werewolf didn't know what to say to that. To hear how much the other male cared about him brought unshed tears to his eyes and his body trembled lightly to the point where his companion drew him into a comforting embrace, not letting him go even when he had regained control of his body. Remus couldn't seem to care though, he was too comfortable where he was, buried in the confines of the others body, nose pressed tightly against the others chest where he inhaled the dizzying scent of his mate. The safety of the situation seemed to lure Remus in and he found his eyes drifting closed, breath slowly evening out as he rested his hand against the others stomach and fell into the arms of sleep.


End file.
